..

My mother's unhappiness is my fault. And she knows it. She hates me with every fiber of her being and she makes certain I know it every day. As much as she misses my brothers, I know that she wouldn't miss me. Hurricane Rebecca. The Burden. Destroyer of All Things Good and Holy.

She probably would have stayed with my father if I'd've kept my mouth shut about what he was doing. But I was stupid and I blabbed. So stupid. It's not like I didn't deserve it. He knew that I was worthless trash even then. If I had kept our little secret then maybe my mother would have learned to love me, even if it never came naturally.

She told me once that she hadn't even wanted another kid, but he kept pushing her until she gave in.

I bought her that stupid GPS because she said she wanted one and I just... I wanted to make her happy with me, I wanted to make her smile at me, even just for a minute. But she hated it. She didn't even pretend interest.

I can't even buy her affection. I can't even buy a simple thank you.

I just want... her to love me, no matter what, and make sure that I know that, even when I make her mad. I want her to care that I cry instead of mocking me. I want her to not tell me she wishes I were dead every time I do something bad, even though I deserve it. I want to feel like she would choose me if she had to, not out of obligation, but because she wants to.